I have been helping women recover from sexual abuse since 1992, and over the years I have looked for ways to describe a journey that can be very hard to put into words. One picture has proven strangely helpful. It comes from a movie almost everyone knows, the story of a girl named Dorothy who gets swept up in a storm and carried into a strange land called Oz.
The movie was made for entertainment, of course. But it can also serve as a picture, an allegory, for what recovery from abuse can feel like. And if you are standing at the beginning of that road, wondering whether you can even face it, I hope this picture gives you a little courage.
A storm you did not choose
Early in the story, Dorothy is caught in a frightening twister that threatens her life and turns her whole world upside down. She did nothing to summon that storm. It simply came, tore her out of the familiar, and set her down somewhere disorienting and strange, far from the life she knew.
Abuse is like that storm. You did not choose it. You did not cause it. It came upon you, often when you were young and powerless, and it turned your world upside down. One of the first and most important things to hear, if you are a survivor, is that the storm was not your fault. You were caught in something you never asked for. That truth alone is worth stopping on, because so many survivors carry a shame that was never theirs to carry.
The land feels strange, but there is a road
When Dorothy lands in Oz, everything is unfamiliar and more than a little frightening. That is honest to how recovery often feels at first. As you begin to face what happened, things can feel more confusing before they feel clearer, and it is tempting to conclude that you have only made things worse. You have not. Waking up to what is real is part of finding your way home, even when it is painful.
And here is the hopeful part of the picture. In the story, there is a road. Dorothy is not simply abandoned in Oz forever. There is a path forward, a way out, and she does not have to walk it alone. Along the way she finds companions, and step by step she moves toward home. Recovery is like that. It is a road, not a magic word. It takes time, and it takes company, but it genuinely leads somewhere.
The common questions
Women deciding whether to begin this journey almost always carry the same handful of questions. How long will this take? What will I have to do? What is going to happen to me? What if I cannot handle it? Those are honest, human questions, and they deserve honest answers.
Here is one. You do not have to see the whole road to take the first step. Dorothy could not see the Emerald City from where she started. She simply began, one stretch of path at a time. You can do the same. You do not have to face everything at once, and you do not have to face it perfectly. You only have to be willing to begin, and then to keep going at a pace you can bear.
Courage is not the absence of fear
If the very thought of this road frightens you, that does not mean you are not ready. Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is doing the thing you are afraid to do, and there can be no courage without something to be afraid of. The fear you feel is not a sign that you should stay put. It is often a sign that something in you is ready to move.
The road out of Oz is real. It leads home, to a self and a life the storm tried to take from you but could not have the final say over. You do not have to walk it alone, you do not have to walk it quickly, and you do not have to walk it perfectly. You only have to take the next step. That is where healing begins.